why didn't you poke me back
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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