I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
