I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
