Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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