I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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