This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
