I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
