As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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