I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
