So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish i was in the wii world.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
