Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
