You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
