i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
