Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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