she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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