are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
