Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
