My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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