Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
