I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
