there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
