bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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