why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
