In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize