Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
