Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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