How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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