I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
