I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
