Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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