It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
