life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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