Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
