Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
