I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
