Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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