He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
