Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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