the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
