no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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