you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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