Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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