no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
