This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
