I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
