I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
