Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
