Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
