This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
