ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
