I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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