apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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