its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
