Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize