Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
