i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
