Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
