mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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