If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
