i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
