Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
