1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
