I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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