It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
