If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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