I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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